PAX Impressions Round Up

So here’s a bunch of games I played at PAX accompanied by some brief observations. I’ll try and make this quick. GO!

Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii): This one probably deserves its own post, but since it came out today anyway, I don’t have anything to say you can’t read in any full review. Long story short, it’s a 2D side scrolling action game from the good folks that brought you Odin Sphere and Grim Grimoire. One thing that sets it apart from most Wii games is that it’s beautiful. All the characters are well-animated, hand drawn sprites, and the backgrounds look like 3D paintings. I want it.

Gran Turismo (PSP): OMG! Portable Gran Turismo! If you have the tiny hobbit hands required to effectively enjoy PSP games, you are so in luck. Personally, I look at the PSP as more of a delivery system for crippling arthritis than an actual gaming device, so I think I’m going to have to pass on this one. Honestly though, this is truly a portable Gran Turismo and that’s definitely impressive.

Little Big Planet (PSP): I love LBP on PS3 and this seems to be a very solid translation of that. From what I’ve heard, there’s no simultaneous multiplayer in the portable version which is a damn shame since that’s probably my favorite part of the game. I’m not sure what the portable version will offer to keep it from being redundant to owners of the PS3 game, but it definitely looks like a solid product so far. And since the game doesn’t demand lengthy play sessions, I can almost imagine wrapping my mitts around that vile device long enough to play it.

Katamari Forever (PS3): This is such a weird series. The original game was so wildly original in its presentation and concept, but every successive entry fails to innovate in the slightest. This new one is definitely fun, but aside from a few new graphical overlays such as cel-shading that give the game a new look, there doesn’t appear to be much of anything new here. The demo level could have been from any of the previous Katamari games, and a lot of the objects you pick up are repeats too. More like Katamari Whatever! Am I right, people!? High Five.

Lego Rock Band (all consoles): I just watched this one, because waiting in line to play it seemed pointless. It’s family-safe Rock Band for parents who don’t want their kids to play regular Rock Band because they might hear some devil worshipping rock singer cuss a swear (which they edit out of RB tracks anyway) I guess I don’t really get what this is even for, but it isn’t really for me, is it? It has Lego people dancing around in the background, and the little note jewels are now little Lego bricks. Wheeee.

Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (DS): The new DS Zelda game is basically like the last DS Zelda game, except instead of riding around on a boat, Link now rides around in a train. The previous DS Zelda, Phantom Hourglass, is probably my least favoritest (is so a word) Zelda game and still one of the only Zeldas I haven’t finished. The dungeon portion of the demo featured some new puzzle elements where you control a second character (one of the big knights from Hourglass) and those segments seemed OK, if kind of unremarkable. The train portion of the demo, however, was completely dull. The train controls just like the boat did in Hourglass, except it’s obviously on rails. There was a boss battle in a cave which was also boring. Ho. Hum.

Mass Effect 2 (360): Didn’t get to play it because the lines were so long, but mere words cannot express how much I want this game. That is all.

Brutal Legend (PS3/360): Another game with long lines that forced me to just be a spectator. What I saw though was mostly reassuring. While I occasionally enjoy Jack Black’s work in Tenacious D, I mostly just find him kind of annoying. What I’ve seen from Brutal Legend so far has been really promising though, and definitely more in the realm of JB’s character from Tenacious D. Also, the game is designed by Tim Schafer who has been responsible for some of my favorite games ever, and Brutal Legend is just dripping with his trademark style. The combat looks pretty stock, but there are apparently several different types of game going on here, including Pikmin style strategy. Long story short: Tim Fuckin’ Schafer. Want.

Tim Schafer is the coolest guy you know.

And that’s it for now! There are a few more but I grow tired of this. Check back soon for my PAX impressions wrap-up where I’ll discuss New Super Mario Bros Wii, the new Ace Attorney game, and probably a few more I forgot to mention in this post. Maybe tomorrow? Or the next day? Whenever.

PAX impressions: God of War 3

I’ve been accused on multiple occasions of “hating fun” because I don’t usually enjoy big summer blockbuster movies like “Transformers” and “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li.” The reason I don’t typically like these movies doesn’t have anything to do with me being smarter than you (although I probably am), it’s because I prefer to get my cinematic action fix from video games instead. Why just watch a giant robot punch a dinosaur, when you can commit android on thunder lizard-hate-crimes yourself? This is why I will never (ever) see the G.I. Joe movie, but I’ll still be able to get excited over big-budget, crowd-pleasing, murder-fests like the God of War games.

If you’ve somehow avoided playing any of the previous God of War games, they’re essentially rage simulators. The basic concept is that you play as a very angry dude named Kratos who explores mythical Greece and its associated underworlds and what have you. The locales are filled to the brim with monsters and ghouls who are all extraordinarily murderable. In terms of pure adrenaline fueled, sugar-high style action games, they don’t really get much better, and God of War 3 seems to carry on the tradition nicely.

The demo on display at PAX was primarily a demonstration of how technology can still impress even in this jaded age. The previous God of War games already looked better than the majority of PS2 games, and GoW3 is a great showpiece for the PS3 hardware as well. In fact, Sony’s booth in general seemed to support the PS3 as a profoundly powerful machine. The big demo’s they were showing at PAX included GoW3, Heavy Rain, and Uncharted 2, and they were all some of the most beautiful looking games I’ve ever seen. At least Sony’s first-party developers have figured out the hardware anyway.

To call GoW beautiful is a bit misleading, since its beauty is of the violent and bloody variety. During my brief demo (about 15 minutes) I had the pleasure of gutting a giant Antelope/Lion/Snake beast, manually removing a Cyclops’s eye, and decapitating some guy and using his severed head as a mystical flashlight. The violence is absurd and way over the top, but it fits the God of War vibe pretty well. If you’re playing these games for subtlety, you’re doing it wrong. Speaking of the creatures, I was really impressed by the monster designs. The whole game has kind of a late 80’s metal album cover aesthetic to it. The Antelope/Lion/Snake beast is a perfect example of how a stupid idea can be visually translated into something ridiculously kickass. In this case, the monster’s neck roared at me. So I tore off one of its own horns and plunged it into one of its faces. So cool.

Generally speaking though, God of War 3 hasn’t advanced the actual gameplay much at all. The game has a very familiar feel to it, though I felt like things just moved and controlled a little bit more smoothly. The old games were already pretty slick in this regard so it’s probably for the best they didn’t change much. The real innovation in these games comes from level designs, and the big set piece boss battles. The demo on display seemed to definitely follow the God of War tradition of never letting you be bored, which if carried through the rest of the game, will be more than enough.

Overall, I was really impressed with this demo. I’ve never really considered myself a huge God of War fan (in fact I’ve barely touched GoW2) but this demo has excited me enough that I kind of want to pick up the PS3 God of War collection that comes out in November, despite it’s dopey cover art which features no fewer than FOUR (4) uses of the God of War logo. In other news, I’m a consumer whore.

(wait...what game was this again?)

video courtesy of Gamevideos.com

A Proportionate Response - Comic #3

So, being unemployed has afforded me a lot more time to do things like "make art" and "be creative." Hence the masterpiece you see before you.

Click to blow it up.

Billy Mays was right... dead right - Comic #2

Here's this week's comic. Click to blow it up.

"What?... yea i'll do it later"

I just want everyone to know that I love you, I value your readership, I am genuinely concerned about getting some blog posts up, but most important of all; i'm defiantly NOT ignoring you to play Prototype...

Raccoons: The Big Bug Scourge of the Skies

I am sick. Sick to death of how we as a society continually turn a blind eye to the real problems facing our great nation. Naturally, I speak of raccoons. Unfortunately, our nation’s broken school system fails completely at teaching adequate raccoon awareness thanks to uptight PTA committees that fear potential controversy. If you’re one of the unfortunate folks who don’t even know to keep a raccoon preparedness kit in every room of your house, then read on, and prepare to be enlightened.

Some basic facts: You are probably larger than a raccoon, but they will still best you in combat because they are devious cheats. Conventional attacks mean nothing to raccoons. If you punch a raccoon in the face, it will just laugh at you, and then probably go rape your mom. NEVER ATTACK A RACCOON WITH A BLADE. They bleed acid, like in that movie “Raccoon” and its thrilling James Cameron directed sequel, “Raccoons.” While it’s completely unadvisable to initiate violent conflict with a raccoon without backup from your posse of bros, you must always exercise your Raccoon Risk Reduction Responsibilities:

First: If you see a pregnant raccoon, you must do everything in your power to abort the birth. If you’re unfamiliar with standard raccoon abortion protocol, you can pick up a kit at most Walgreen’s locations that includes a hammer, a corkscrew, and a plastic baggie for stem cell containment.

Second: Friends don’t let friends let raccoons drive cars. While it looks like they could probably steer pretty well because they have those grabby little hands, they lack both the “cognitive capacity” and the “long enough legs” to safely operate a non-raccoon modified vehicle.

Third: Be a good citizen. Not all midsized creepy mammals are raccoons. Beavers, for example, are terrific creatures that will let you enter their cool underwater houses if you prove yourself to not be a total racist. Nutria are kind of like beavers except they’re uglier and less talented with architecture. Skunks are still assholes.

Finally, you need to familiarize yourself with the history of the raccoon/human conflict which has been documented in the following films.

The Great Outdoors:

The movie poster alone features one of the most terrifying images of a raccoon ever. Here we see a raccoon staring menacingly with its dead eyes as Dan Akroyd and John Candy brazenly ignore the laws of physics. To make this scene even more disturbing, we must remember that John Candy was later killed by a raccoon. At the time, it was widely reported that he died from “Overweight Comedian Syndrome” but this was all part of a cover-up by raccoon sympathizers in the media.

Are We Done Yet:

Here we see rapper/thespian, Ice Cube, seconds before his untimely demise in this unusually dark family comedy. The raccoon is trying to convince witnesses of his innocence by employing the “cartoon googly eyes” tactic. Give it up, you monster. It didn’t work for Scott Peterson, and it won’t work for you.

Daddy Day Camp:

This truly disturbing film depicts a series of raccoon assaults on humanity. On the poster, we see a duo of raccoons (with skunk allies) using mind control to force a group of children to butt-rape Cuba Gooding Jr.

The Hound That Thought He Was a Raccoon:

This “classic” is practically a raccoon recruitment film in which an innocent hound is corrupted and converted to the ways of raccoonism. The image here seems to depict the pair hiding in a tree after committing a heinous act of arson.

I hope I’ve done a public service here today. In this time of terrorist sleeper cells and economic disarray, it’s sometimes easy to forget that the real enemy could be hiding in our own garbage cans. Always remember that your best weapon in the war against raccoons is awareness. Awareness, coupled with fire.

Update

Just a quick follow up to the Blizzcon news, Kotaku just posted the trailer for Cataclysm which you can view here